HIV tests are more positive than that guy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
