Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
