That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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