I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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