All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
