he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
