My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
