I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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