God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
