it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
