Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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