remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
