I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
