Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
