I need help removing her.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
