i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
