i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
