We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
being pregnant is like rehab
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
