first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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