Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
