I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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