this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
