This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
