dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
