My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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