It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
