i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
