I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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