does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
