Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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