I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How's work?
Spinning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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