I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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