Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
