I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
