I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
