Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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