i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
