I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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