wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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