Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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