Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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