Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
