You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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