Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
