I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
