If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
