The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
