Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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