people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
