He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you had me at cake vodka
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
