none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
