It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize