I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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