fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
