also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
