just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
