Will you blow on my dice?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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