Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
