the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
