she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
