its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
