Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
