I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
