Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you traded sex for a burrito?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
