Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
