this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
