3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
