he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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