Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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