explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize