girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
