dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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