you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
