Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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