is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
