I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
