We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
