if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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